Here’s a quick coaching tip for creating a harmonious work environment:
When dealing with disputes between employees or direct reports, remember the difference between personality and behavior. We can’t change our own personalities (or the personalities of others — as much as we might like to), but anyone can change his/her behavior with a dedicated effort and a set of tools. Fortunately, many disputes are the result of behavior — not personality; but in the heat of the moment, people sometimes get the two confused, and find themselves railing against each other’s personalities to no good end.
As a boss, you can help resolve disputes between employees by keeping the two distinct in your own mind. Focus your efforts on identifying the maleable aspects of the dispute (behaviors) rather than those that are steady and unchanging (personalities). When you work with your people to resolve a dispute, think of your role as:
- To make them aware of their behaviors, and the impact of their behaviors
- To establish demand for a dedicated effort to change unworkable behaviors
- To provide tools and opportunities to help them be successful in their effort
Another key is to reframe the problems they have with each other as developmental opportunities for themselves. What are their individual strengths, and how can they use those strengths to help resolve their differences and create a respectful relationship? What do they need to learn that would help them manage this situation (and others in the future) more effectively?
Disputes between people are inevitable, but you can minimize their impact on morale, and turn them into opportunities for learning and development, if you can remember to distinguish between personality and behavior.










When I first start working with a new client, one of the things I listen for is whether or not the client has a powerful, clear, and compelling vision for the future. There are many reasons why having this kind of vision is important, but what I focus on first is whether I can hear that the client’s vision is informing their thinking and decision making.Often, when a client is explaining the challenges they’re facing, and telling me what they wish to accomplish, I can hear that the most significant motivating factor is their fear, rather than their vision for the future fear of never making it, fear of taking risks, fear of losing control, fear of not knowing what to do, or fear of making a mistake.While fear is sometimes what motivates clients to enlist my services, it only goes so far as a motivational influence, and in my experience it is not sufficient to bring about the kind of changes that most of my clients say they really want. Vision, however, is another story.Vision can bring about real, deep, observable benefits and sustainable change. In his book “The Fifth Discipline” author Peter Senge writes, “There are two fundamental sources of energy that can motivate organizations: fear and aspiration. The power of fear underlies negative visions. The power of aspiration drives positive visions. Fear can produce extraordinary changes in short periods, but aspiration endures as a continuing source of learning and growth”


